Opportunities

Have you ever had opportunities come your way that you felt you just “couldn’t resist?” I have had a few in my professional life. I have said yes to just about every one of them. It’s hard not to snatch up an opportunity in my professional life. I think it’s the highest compliment when people think of jobs for me that I normally wouldn’t have thought about on my own. Opportunities are a nice problem to have.

My problem is that every time I said yes to an opportunity, I ended up journeying back into the classroom after experiencing the “new opportunity.” I always feel that teaching is like being at home. I’m comfortable, I’m on top of my game, I’m good at it. So, how long will I be in this profession? Should I be lukewarm? Should I consider opportunities that come my way to further my leadership abilities? Should I say yes to one more opportunity when it comes my way? I just don’t know.

I think I’ve been pretty impulsive in the past to take opportunities that come my way. As I reflect on my life today, I’m not as quick to do so. I am careful to consider all consequences, benefits, pros, cons, etc.

If an opportunity comes your way, really pray about it…sit on it with God and listen to His calling for what you should do. That’s what I try to do now with my decisions.

“Be careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” (Ephesians 5: 15-17)

Heaven

I wonder what Heaven will be like. I know that Scriptures define it for us…

“‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of Heaven.’” (Genesis 28:16-1

“…the storehouse of his bounty…” (Deuteronomy 28:12)

“…your dwelling place…” (1Kings 8:30)

“…and all their starry host…” (Nehemiah 9:6)

“The pillars of the heavens…” (Job 26:11)

“…the Lord is on his heavenly throne…” (Psalm 11:4)

“…righteousness looks down from Heaven” (Psalm 85:11)

“…his sanctuary on high…” (Psalm 102:19)

“God is in Heaven and you are on Earth…” (Ecclesiastes 5:2)

“The stars of Heaven…” (Isaiah 13:10)

“The floodgates of the heavens…” (Isaiah 24:1

…”the waters in the heavens roar…” (Jeremiah 10:13)

“All the shining lights in the heavens…” (Ezekiel 32:

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:20)

“The kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed, where a man took and planted in his field.” (Matthew 13:31)

“…the angels of Heaven always see the face of my Father in Heaven.” (Matthew 18:10)

“…you will have treasure in Heaven” (Matthew 19:21)

“After Jesus spoke to them, He was taken up to Heaven and was sat at the right hand of God.” (Mark 16:19)

…”but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another.” (1 Corinthians 15:40)

“…an eternal house in heaven not built by human hands.” (2 Corinthians 5:1)

“…the hope that is stored up for you in heaven…” (Colossians 1:5)

“…the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels…” (2 Thessalonians 1:7)

“…within his temple was seen the ark of his covenant” (Revelation 11:19)

“…was like that of harpists playing their harps” (Revelation 14:2)

“I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True…” (Revelation 19:11)

So, my point is that there are many reference to Heaven in Scripture. I know I left out quite a few of them. Does Heaven seem clear-cut and extremely descriptive to any of you? Well, I see some of it…the rest of it I can’t even imagine. I think my mind is too small and narrow to soak it all in. I think that’s why God left it to Earthly, simplistic descriptions…words we know to define something so abstract we can’t even begin to comprehend it all.

I write about Heaven tonight, because exactly 2 years ago, my mom went to Heaven. I’ll never forget the last few minutes when her breathing changed. As she took her last breath, her eyes opened for the first time in 2 days. It was as if she saw something completely amazing that none of us could even imagine. There was so much mystery in that look on her face as her spirit left her body and entered a new world. It gives me chills to know that there is so much more out there after this life.

So, I’ll hang on to my Earthly descriptions of Heaven being a place where God is seated on the throne, with His Son at the right hand…all the heavenly hosts are around them and His temple is so holy. I will lean on faith to guide me to the rest of it. The place where no thieves, no trouble, no destruction will occur…no sickness, no sadness, no pain, no death, no disease….what an amazing place it will be.

I’m glad my mom is in a place like that.

I look forward to the time I get to join her.

Until then, I’ll keep imagining it and looking ahead.

God Bless.

Unfinished Business

Okay, okay, I know…it’s been awhile since my last blog. I know…it’s been deliberate…

Many of my friends know that I can’t get enough of school, so I’m working on another degree in Mental Health Counseling at UCF. While I have learned so much about techniques, theories, ethics, etc., the one thing that keeps coming up over and over again for me is the notion of “unfinished business.”

For those of you who enjoy the nerdiness of theory, the Gestalt theory says that many of us walk through life with some kind of unfinished business. To me, that makes perfect sense. I know I’ve worked on my own “issues” through my own personal counseling; I’ve helped others work through their issues as well. However, the one thing I can say is that I still have some level of unfinished business.

Tonight, I encouraged Gina to go see a friend. I just needed some time to myself. I needed time to reflect. I needed time to really search myself. I realized that I have some unfinished business with my mom.

As she was in her last weeks before she left this world to go to Heaven, she told my brother and me that every time it rains, she’s crying from Heaven because she is so proud of the both of us. Tonight, I began to write a song for her and I just couldn’t help the tears that flowed from my eyes. I wrote just a few of the words…I’ll share…

Lyin’ here tonight all scared and alone,

It’s been a couple of years already since you’ve gone home

But I miss the times we shared together

We weren’t the perfect family

My heart cries out tonight anyway

I miss you desperately

As I wrote that last line, I just broke down and cried. I had to put my guitar down and just let myself be in the sadness. As I started crying, outside I could hear the rain begin to drop and then it started to pour. What an amazing feeling I had come over me…I knew my mom was crying with me. She was telling me just how proud she is of me and that she’s okay. She’s with God now. I told her I’m sorry for all the times I’ve been a brat to her or how I disrespected her. I really have a lot more to say to her and I imagine that it will take time.

I know this is going to sound nerdy too, but I played a song by Reba McIntire while I sat on the floor of my house, looking at a memorial I have of my mom. The song is called If I Had Only Known. I’ll post the lyrics…

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I’d keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we’d be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I’d never hear your voice again
I’d memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I’d never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I’d pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you’d smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would’ve shown
If I had only known

During the song, I let the tears fall down. I cried out to God. I heard the rain continue to pour down outside. When the song was over, the rain stopped. I knew that God had let my mom speak to me.

My point in writing all this tonight is that we all some level of unfinished business in our life. It’s painful to address it. Men especially don’t often like to cry…addressing some of that unfinished business might bring out the tears in us. I’m glad I got some of it out tonight. Please pray for me that it will continue to surface and I can continue to move toward complete healing and grieving over my mom who died almost 2 years ago.

Heavy Heart

Tonight, my heart is very heavy. The student I talked about in one of my former posts was suspended today from school and will be reassigned to another school. The disheartening thing about this is that I feel that the situation which caused his suspension was absolutely ridiculous and could have been prevented.

Why do people go into the field of education? My hope and prayer is that they enjoy the rewards from making a difference in the lives of children…the whole child. The whole child includes the family system and all variables that come with him or her. This student I’m talking about tonight has limited family support. He needs lots of mentors in his life. I don’t care what people say; I will continue to be a mentor to him when he goes to his new school.

This poor child lives in two worlds: one is filled with drugs, crime, prison, broken family, no moral and edifying support at home. Then, he comes to school with baggage and tries to fit into a “white man’s” world. It’s an ironic position to be in and none of us can truly understand what he deals with. What he needs is unconditional positive regard, love, and true guidance. Does he get on people’s nerves? Of course. Any 13 year-old would. He should be in 7th grade; however, he has already been unsuccessful academically. Should we just push him out of society altogether? If certain people had their way, I bet that’s what they would do.

Tonight, my heart is heavy because I believe that as educators, we have tremendous power. We can use that power for good or for evil. Too often, educators use the power to make kids miserable, instead of building them up. Haim Ginnott summed it up best…

“I’ve come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.”

Please pray for three things. One, that this student will rise from the adversity by relying on God. Secondly, that I will have the strength of a Godly man to handle this situation with the colleagues I do not agree with. Third, that the colleagues who are quick to judge kids they do not “understand” will one day have the eyes to see kids the way God sees them.

Fantasy vs. Reality

Gina and I just got back from a 7-day cruise.  It was so relaxing and extremely fun.  It was so hard to come back and just get back to normal.  When you’re on a ship in the middle of the Eastern Caribbean, it’s really not that all difficult to get used to the all-you-can-eat food, the non-stop entertainment, the service of being waited on hand-and-foot.  It was hard to come back down to reality on Sunday.

To be honest, I’ve been sort of depressed since we got back.  I think it’s more than just the riches and luxuries we enjoyed on the ship; it’s hard to be away from my brother and his wife.  I remember feeling this way last time we were together for a long time…that was back in June of 2007.  It was the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death…

For those who know me, my mom died at a very young age.  She was only 47.  She had a mole on her back that was at Stage II B melanoma when they performed the biopsy on it.  Five years later, the melanoma turned to Stage IV and killed her within six months.  We spent so much time together as a family during the months she was dying.  I remember going to my parents’ house everyday after work to just be there.

The funeral was beautiful.  A good friend of ours, Darrell, gave the sermon, and close to 700 people showed up.  She was a special woman.  Since her death, my immediate family’s dynamic has changed so much.  My dad and I are a lot closer than we ever were before.  My brother and I are more than just brothers; we’re also friends.

So, in June of 2007, when Gina and I went to West Palm Beach to visit my brother and his wife, along with my dad, it was so hard to leave them.  We enjoyed their company so much.  I get so attached and hate when we have to separate.  Sure, I enjoyed the experience of the cruise.  That was all fantasy.  I look forward to the day I get to see my mom again in Heaven…when we’re all reunited as a family again.  That will be a sweet reality.

For God So Loved…

I’ve always been an NIV or Message kind of guy. However, the New King James Version of John 3:16-17 really hits home to me. It makes me realize just how wonderful a story it was that Jesus Christ was sent into the world to die for me. God loved me so much that He sent Jesus to die. Let’s look at the NKJ version of the verses:

“For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that world through Him might be saved.”

Just think of that…can you feel it? I do. I am in awe of what God did for us. John 3:16 has probably been one of the most recited verses from the Bible. I too have recited it for rote practice and the ability to show that I know it. But what it means really hits home. God loved the world so much…more than any of us could ever imagine…so much that He was willing to take the burden of every person’s sin. Can you imagine what that must have felt like for Jesus? I know we can somewhat relate to the physical pain of what He endured through the beatings and the crucifixion…that’s the kind of pain that makes us cringe. But, can we really imagine what it must have felt like inside for Him to carry every sin on the planet? Every single sin. I tremble as I think about it. My sins are many. Way too many. They are heavy on me; however, my Savior took them for me and the billions of other people who have walked on this earth.

So, on this Easter Sunday, I will remember that Jesus came down to save me. He came to save us all. What a marvelous and humbling sacrifice. I am so not worthy to receive it. However, I owe Him nothing…only the belief in my heart He exists and is my Lord and Savior. Now, that’s a kind of love you can’t get from any earthly person.

Thanks, God for being so amazing. Please forgive me for choosing to live apart from you, even after I make commitments to you. I am a selfish, egocentric, and self-gratifying person. As this Easter comes, I pray for another new beginning with you. I remember how glorious you are that you rose from the dead and showed me that I am no longer dead to my sins.

So, in the spirit of the NKJ version of the Bible, I leave you all with this one…

“I know that my redeemer lives. And He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh, I shall see God.” (Job 19:25-26)

Go Back to Teaching? You’re Crazy!

The other day, someone asked me why I had decided to leave such a lucrative position at a major university and go back to the classroom to teach kids. While some might think it’s nuts, God really does work in His own way to shape the heart of a man. Most of my friends know that I was in a high-profile, prestigious position at UCF. Here’s how I ended up back as a teacher…

In August of 2006, I heard Ron Clark speak at the Just Read Florida! Leadership Conference. Everyone came up to me and said that I reminded them of him and that I was probably like him in the classroom. The teaching bug started biting again, because they were right. I really missed the kids and was so inspired by his story about picking up where he was in life and moving to the Bronx to teach kids who had no one. It was around October of 2006 and Gina and I were watching Lean on Me, which is one of my favorite movies about students in an inner-city school who had no teachers who believed in them. The principal came in and inspired everyone, including the kids and they were able to break records in achievement. I mentioned to Gina that I didn’t know WHAT I was doing working at UCF as an administrator, stuck in bureaucracy, politics, and uneventful meetings. Then, in January of 2007, we went to see Freedom Writers. It was then I knew I had made a big mistake by leaving the classroom. I looked at Gina immediately following the movie and said, “What in the world am I doing? I BELONG in the classroom. It’s what I love and what I was born to do. The kids need me!” That scared Gina, because it would mean a cut in pay; in fact, it scared me, because what would people think about me leaving a prestigious, high-profile position, to go back and teach kids?

So, we decided to leave it in God’s hands. I neglected to “make it happen.” I have a lot of contacts throughout the state, but didn’t want to even go there!! I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen naturally. In May of 2007, I received an e-mail from a former co-teacher’s (Cindy’s) account, but it was signed by Darquise. Darquise was in my third grade class and had followed Cindy to Crystal Lake as a fourth grade student. It’s funny how God has put Darquise in my life several times…once when he was in second grade, Darquise was about to fight another student. I saw him as I was walking through the cafeteria and diffused the situation by putting my arms around him, introducing myself to him, and making him laugh. From that point on, Darquise and I became buddies. The following year, he was placed in my class (multi-age) with Cindy.

Anyway, when I got the e-mail from Darquise, he asked me if I could visit his class and do a read-aloud. He said that he missed hearing me read in the funny voices I used when I read aloud to the class. He said that Cindy didn’t know how to read like that! Humbled, I accepted the offer and scheduled a date with Cindy to visit and conduct a read aloud in her class. That day, as I walked into the school, there was something in the air. It was like everything in the universe had aligned at just the right time. I walked into Cindy’s classroom and she introduced me to the class. I read The Lorax by Dr. Seuss to them, which is one of my favorite books. Being back in the classroom, especially with Cindy in the room, was like I was home again. It was definitely something I knew for sure I needed to pursue.

So, the principal walked in as I was reading aloud to the class and asked Cindy who I was and if I was a teacher. Cindy explained that I worked at UCF and it was a shame I had left the classroom. So, Cindy told me what the principal said in front of her kids. I just couldn’t help myself and told Cindy (in front of the kids) that if I could co-teach with her again, I would come back in a heartbeat. She asked if I was serious and I said absolutely. The kids were so excited! I found out later they all went home and told their parents about me…especially those kids who knew me from Wicklow. Anyway, we saw the principal in the hallway and Cindy couldn’t contain herself; she told her that I would consider teaching if I could teach with her. And…it happened. The following Monday, I signed my contract with SCPS and resigned from UCF.

You know, people have questioned why I would leave such a “cushy” job, with so much influence. Even my colleagues at UCF asked me why I would go back and teach kids with a doctorate degree. I was shocked!! It was never “beneath me” to teach kids. In fact, I never was looking to leave the classroom; I had always fallen into opportunities to move forward in the profession…I realize now that my experiences have helped me become a better teacher.

Being back in the classroom has been great for me personally and professionally. I recently ran into some of my former colleagues at UCF and they told me I look younger, well-rested, and that I had a radiance about me they had never seen before. That is a sign!

So, there you have it!

A Servant’s Heart

Okay, so God is a mysterious God, isn’t he? Well, I know I haven’t necessarily had the heart of a servant lately. Sure, I love choosing activities that are pleasing to God…but mostly, I am guilty of choosing activities that are pleasing to me. This is how I’ve responded as a servant to the one God who died for me on the Cross. I feel ashamed and guilty.

Today, while participating in the ministry I have complained the most about, all of the youngsters with whom I work were extremely excited to see me. They waved at me from a distance. I get along so well with everyone who helps out in this ministry. Today, my corrupted “servant’s heart” bended a little. I see the impact God has on kids. He’s amazing. I’m honored to be a part of it.

So, choosing something “easy” or that is only pleasing to self is not having a servant’s heart. You know why I can sound so bold? Because I’m guilty! Guilty as sin.

Lord, please forgive me. Thank you for pursuing me the way a Father would pursue a son. Thank you for never giving up on me. I apologize for giving up on your calling so quickly and so easily. I confess it is easier to please the desires of my flesh than of the “other” who lives in me. Prepare me to do the work you’ve called me to do, both in the present and the future.

Hi Everyone

Welcome to my blog. I am 31 years old and married to a lovely young woman named Gina. We’ve been married for 1 year and are happy about our life together.

I am the essence of a sinner who found Jesus. I owe everything I have become to Him. He is my light, my Savior, my Father; I am so blessed to have the pursuit of a Father in Heaven who loves me unconditionally. Gina and I go to C3 church in Orlando, Florida.

You might be wondering why I call myself DoctorZu. Well, my friends at work call me Zu. My friends outside of work call me Doctor Z, so I blended the two. I recently received my Doctor of Education degree, which is why they all call me Doctor Z.

Speaking of school, I am currently working on another degree. My calling is to work with families, especially those who struggle within their family system, men, and kids. So, I am back in school at UCF working on a Master of Arts in Mental Health Counseling. In addition to that, I teach in Seminole County Public Schools. I co-teach with a fantastic teacher and we have 40 3rd and 4th graders in our class.

Look forward to sharing more about me and hearing from you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your paths straight.” Proverbs 3: 5-6